Hmmm...

I'm not sure what to title this one...I have been wanting to post it for a while because it's something that has been really wanting to come out!

So remember way back in November when I wrote this post...and I wrote this one...well nothing ever happened & that funk, my friends, lasted a VERY long time.

I have only been depressed a couple times in my life...once when I started a new high school and all my friends stayed at the old one and I felt I had to start all over again...yes, I am FULL of drama...

and another time when my father died and I was pregnant, then had the baby & all those horrible hormones & she was colicky & I was tired & had a 21 month old & that just goes on & on...

Well I eventually found new friends...that really wasn't hard...and I eventually caught up on sleep! I got through those hard times and came out stronger

Well I think my 'funk' this fall/winter was definitely another bought of depression...the worst I've ever had! I can't tell you what brought it on this time...I can't even tell you when it started...that's what makes this one so different! It was just...I don't know the word...extrememly...annoying! And that didn't help at all! I'm sure o=it was all the stress with the rental, not having my own house, bills, bills, bills, and the list goes on...but it was bad! I didn't want to do anything! I wanted to stay in my bed & sleep all day! And I did sleep a lot! I stopped reading my scriptures...really reading...took a nap almost everyday...became a big time yeller at my kids...was grumpy with my husband...didn't want to be around anyone...stopped crafting...this list goes on as well...the worst part was I gained 11 pounds in like 3 months!! I hated it & life & I wasn't me anymore, or at least I felt like I wasn't me anymore. I really wanted me back but wasn't sure how to get there so...where do you start?

I started working out again...maybe that would help...I felt a little better but not a ton...I finally talked to our RS president and just told her everything! How I felt...how I was...how I hated life and I just wanted to be alone & cried & cried & cried and she just listened! How crazy that something so small could make such a difference! All I needed was someone to listen! To hear me! So after that i started reading...studying the scriptures again...and I have never loved them more than I do now! I joined a gym to get moving more...and I LOVE it!! I have even been crafting again...Kayla's quilt is nearly done...some cards have been done...I've been collecting material for some skirts I am going to learn how to make...some scrapbook pages have been worked on...and I am starting to feel normal again. I still have bad days...but they are just bad days...not bad weeks or months...and I can take that! One step at a time I am slowly seeing myself again and I love it!

I am sorry if this is random & rambling but hey...it's been wanting to come out for some time so just read & move on...you now know a little more about me!